Being vs Appearing

It’s more than okay to take pictures when the light isn’t right. Or if you look tired. Especially if pictures aren’t for others, they’re for you.

There’s a common fallacy that one has to look and act a certain way if you’re going to be a certain person. That you must prepare for a modern spotlight of sorts. That makeup can coverup blemishes.

The funny part about makeup is that if you fall asleep in it, you end up with acne. You have to stay constantly vigilant devoting more and more time to preparing and spending less time being.

It takes an average of at least an hour to get done with hair and makeup in the film industry. Add more time if you’re doing a close-up. Add even more time if you’re supposed to move around.

The iconic Tin Man, played by Buddy Ebsen, was painted silver to shine in the Technicolor film The Wizard of Oz. He looked great but lacked heart. Sadly, Buddy died 10 days into filming due to poisoning from the aluminum in the makeup.

One Bukowski quote I try to remember is printed on his tombstone: “don’t try.” You either are or are not. Be something. Don’t act like it. If you’re going in, go all in.

Maybe your thing is dressing up or writing trashy fanfic or belting showtunes prancing down the street drunk on a Tuesday at 2am. Whatever it is, don’t cover it up.

To become, you must do things for yourself. Not for others. This post is not for you. It is for me. Deal with it.

My dad taught me to eat apple cores. It’s wonderous watching people’s reactions as I down an entire honey crisp with aplomb. I do it because I have a reason for it. Because I like it. Because it’s me. Because it ties me to my past. Because because because…

My favorite gene is the tin man gene. Without it, a fly can’t grow a heart. They whither away, small and shriveled.

That’s the core of it — having a core. Without a center, the wizened shell crumbles.

I read an article recently that said that cities whisper things to you. In New York it’s: “you should be more rich.” In Boston it’s: “you should be smarter.” In LA it’s: “you should be more beautiful.”

So what is beauty? True long-lasting, hard-hitting beauty? Something that isn’t painted on like trying to whitewash a cockroach off the wall.

Whatever that is to you, be that.